In 2022, the nation’s largest and most comprehensive annual scientific study on over 5,000 single men and women revealed the top five traits singles seek in a partner. Even more than seeking someone they deem physically attractive (which fell farther down the list at 86%) the top traits singles seek in a partner include someone…
- They can trust and confide in (94%)
- Who is comfortable communicating their wants and needs (92%)
- Who is emotionally mature (92%)
- Who can make them laugh (92%)
While these may be valuable traits to look for in finding a life partner, there is more to prioritize when considering marriage.
Missional Marriage
In 1 Corinthian 7:25-40, the apostle Paul extends the ramifications of being sufficient in Christ to the topic of finding a life partner for those who are single.
He starts off by reminding the Corinthian church about the implications of being enough in Christ. If I am enough in Christ, then I don’t need a spouse to make me complete. If I am enough in Christ, then I don’t need to hold on to my spouse so tightly to give me my sense of worth, safety, comfort, pleasure, or belonging. If I am enough in Christ, even if I lose my husband or wife, Christ can fill all my needs so I don’t have to feel as if I am inadequate.
Paul’s message is simple. Marriage is not the ultimate thing. Don’t idolize it. More than marriage, living a holy life for God and His Kingdom is important. That is what it means to be on mission. If you look at marriage from this perspective, it is very freeing. Marrying with this bigger idea will make a greater impact for Christ. This is the essence of missional marriage.
Paul is not against marriage or belittling the institution of marriage but is actually enhancing it. He is saying that marriage is not just for companionship. Not just for being fruitful and multiplying. These are wonderful and godly purposes for marriage, but God brings two people together especially to accomplish his purpose through them. This is evident even in the very first command God gave to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden: to exercise dominion over all of creation. This implies that they must bring all of God’s creation under him.
However, this does not mean that God cannot accomplish his purpose through those who are single. That is exactly Paul’s point. God’s ultimate act in creation is to restore to himself those who have fallen by building a new kingdom that lasts forever with him as the King. Kingdom-building can be a part of the lives of those who are single with their giftedness and can also be a part of the lives of those who are married if they have a desire to marry and to use their gifts together for God. Ultimately, being on mission for God is greater than marriage for both those seeking marriage and those who are married.
In 1 Corinthians 7:25-40, Paul outlines four principles related to pursuing missional marriages.
- Mission > Marriage – Live Wisely
- Mission > Marriage – Live Purposefully
- Mission > Marriage – Live Without Anxiety
- Mission > Marriage – Live Freely
- Mission > Marriage (Live wisely)
In verse 26, Paul highlights a “present distress” which probably refers to a famine that was sweeping across the region at that time. Moreover, the Corinthian church was facing disruption and confusion that were induced by divergent cultural influences either promoting or denigrating marriage. Paul’s recommendation to those who were single was to use discernment and to not make big life decisions related to marriage during such turbulent times.
Since the focus is on God’s mission, which is to work towards bringing His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven through holy living, you don’t have to change your current situation whether you are single or married (vv. 26-28). However, if you do not choose your marriage partner wisely, you will go through troubles that can extract your energy laterally without helping propel you forward in pursuing your life’s mission. Those who marry non-Christians or Christians without a deep relationship with Christ will face significant troubles. So, Paul was telling the Corinthians to be wise in discerning the right person and the right time for marriage.
- Mission > Marriage – Live purposefully
Since the time is short between the first and second coming of Christ, Paul also highlights the significance of living purposefully. In times of crisis, the role of the church becomes significant and it has to consider using this time to make an impact for Christ in the world.
In vv.29-31, he gives 5 imperatives:
- Don’t hold on to spouses (v.29b) tightly by expecting them to meet your deepest needs that can only be met by Christ. If you find someone whose mission aligns with yours, you will not hold on to him/her by putting too much pressure on him/her to fulfill your Christ-shaped needs.
- Don’t succumb to challenges/pressures in life (v.30). Embrace sadness and do not let that deter you from living purposefully. In fact, when seeking to live for Christ, whether as a single or married person, major challenges and disappointments can be expected but that should not deter anyone from living a missional life.
- Don’t pursue pleasure alone. Don’t let your temporal enjoyment defocus you from your mission.
- Don’t let your riches/comfortable life derail you from your mission.
- Don’t let your work derail you from your mission/holy living.
- Mission > Marriage – Live Passionately (without anxiety)
Paul exhorts us to live worry-free in vv32-35. The word anxious is used five times in this passage. Anxiety arises from our unfulfilled passions or desires. Paul exhorts men and women to be anxious for God and not for the things of the world by making a distinction between godly and worldly anxiety.
Paul’s exhortation to single men is to focus on “things of the Lord (being on mission) and how to please the Lord. The corollary of that is not seeking affirmation in finding or marrying someone.
Paul’s exhortation to single women is also to focus on “things of the Lord (being on mission) and how to be holy in body and spirit”. The corollary of that is not to find beauty in physical attributes, looks, jewelry, etc… Paul also talks elsewhere about where a woman’s beauty ought to come from.
In short, Paul says, be anxious for God by being passionate about the mission God has called you to rather than seeking, projecting, or expecting fulfillment from another person.
- Mission > Marriage – Live Freely
“If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.” – 1 Corinthians 7:38 [ESV]
Decisions involve heart (passions), mind (think), and will (do). Paul exhorts those who are single to not let any pressures or compulsions hinder their decision-making. Contrary to what may commonly be perceived, here he is NOT talking about sensual or physical aspects of relationships. Paul addresses those who were already engaged and, although they did not want to let go of each other, were thinking of breaking up, because of those who were promoting asceticism.
If two people believe they have the ability to navigate the current challenges and are ready, they should marry each other. If two people want to stay engaged for a while longer to better prepare for marriage, they are also okay to do so.
“So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.” 1 Corinthians 7:38 [ESV]
In short, Paul reaffirms that each person is free to decide (v.38). The guiding principle is to ask the question: “Which of these (being married or unmarried) will make us better to live together on mission?”
Paul offers a final word of advice for the widows who are also single (vv39-40).
“A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” – 1 Corinthians 7:39 [ESV]
He applies the same principle to widows. Widows can be married or unmarried. If they choose to remarry, the person they consider should be in the Lord and on mission. Those who are single, like Paul, are free without family pressures or other obligations to single-mindedly focus on living for God. Each one has to decide which will enable you to live more impactfully for Christ.
Conclusion:
All marriages point to and find their ultimate meaning in the only marriage that lasts forever between Christ and His bride that brings eternal joy (the real happy ever after). Everyone will find their perfect spouse in Christ. That is why Christ is enough. Only Christ will love you with all your imperfections and sanctify and redeem you.
That is what happened to the woman at the well in John 4. Despite having been in five relationships, she could not find what she desired until she met Christ who offered “living water” to her which radically changed her life. She stopped trying to find her fulfillment through any other relationships once she found that she was enough in Christ and now had a large family. She then sought to proclaim him to the people in her village whom she used to run away from. She immediately transformed from being lost, lonely, and disappointed to being loved, accepted, and on mission for her newfound lover and bridegroom, Jesus Christ.
Application & Practical Insights:
- Find your mission/direction of mission
- For those who are single or widowed and seeking to find a life partner:
- Look for someone who is both godly and has a clear mission for his/her life
- Seek the counsel of godly mentors and friends, especially with the popular but confusing culture of virtual matchmaking
- If you are already married:
- Don’t second guess your spouse.
- Find something to do together for His mission.
- Help your spouse display Christ-likeness
Here is a link to the full sermon
Reflection Questions:
- Why does Paul say being on mission is greater than marriage?
- When and why should one consider marriage?
- Which of the five imperatives that Paul writes about apply to you now whether you are single or married?
- What anxious thoughts bother you right now? How could you transition from worldly anxiety to godly anxiety?
- Why is Jesus Christ our perfect spouse? How could understanding this help our perspective towards marriage?